There's this little thing I like to call the "impromptu shower" that happens to people with kids. I don't want to scare you people who are pregnant or contemplating children, but this is something I think everyone should know about.
The "impromptu shower" pertaining to children is not the same as the "middle of the day romantic shower" or the "I just woke up from a nap and need to freshen up" shower. No, No, this shower is a necessity. It must be taken or life in your household will cease to exist for the rest of the day and the whole family system will crumble under yours or your husband's inability to continue to exist in your body. Scared yet? How 'bout I demonstrate the definition of the impromptu shower with a real life anecdote? Ok, here we go.
There I was, dancing my butt off with Hunter, jumping up and down, twirling to the final song of Imagination Movers, falling to the ground, dizzy and giddy with happiness. Parker was watching intently in his exersaucer, jumping to the beat, and enjoying every bit of the dance party as we were. At the end of the song I had every intention of making dinner, but was then horribly blindsided.
Picture this. The song ends, slow motion, I bend down to swoop up Parker from his prison of an exersaucer and lift him high above my head exclaiming, "WEEEEE!"
BLECH! I've been vomited on. Fresh, hot breast milk and bits of soy chicken nuggets smothering my chest, hair and the INSIDE OF MY MOUTH in a goopy mess that only a child could produce. Gag.
I run to the bathroom to survey the damage (Parker's unscathed, not a drop on him, sitting quietly in the living room on the floor) while I spit out semi-digested food, that I must remind you is not mine....
Here's where I barricaded the kids in Hunter's room with the baby gate and a box full of toys, to take my "impromptu shower".
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