This morning as I drove to work Hunter squealed with excitement and pointed out the beautiful colors in the sky. We drove down the highway, Parker quietly listening, observing our conversation, and we talked about fog and why the sun rises in the morning. We sang the alphabet and talked about what we were going to do that day, and when Hunter would get to join me at school. It didn't take me long to realize, that that moment was what life was all about.
After a long, drawn out absence I recently returned to work. My once free, albeit a tad humdrum life, changed immediately. In some ways, for the better, and of course, in other ways, for worse.
First, let me clarify that I LOVE my kids and recognize the importance of a strong, stable parental presence in the home. Perhaps it is true that my children would benefit more from me being in the home full time, but I cannot deny that the inertia of stay-at-home mom life is crippling at times. By the end of my maternity leave, I felt that it had become difficult for me to continue to perform the same tasks over, and over, and over again every day. I was reduced to a slouchy bump on the couch, denying the kids even short trips to the park in passive aggressive protest against my boredom.
When people I knew brought up the subject of me returning to work, it was always in a negative tone, as if I was diagnosed with some awful terminal disease, known as "working mom."
Let me now clarify that I also LOVE my job. Follow me around for a day, and you'd see what I mean when I say that every day is different! Every day is new! Finally, my brain is stimulated with literature and art instead of stifled by the endless drone of cartoons and kiddy books.
But, alas, this cerebral stimulation comes with a price. I now start my day at 5 am, get myself and two kids up, brushed and fed and out the door by 6. My breaks at work are completely taken over by planning as I can't do any at home, and the household duties haven't disappeared.
In the end, this blog entry is really me thinking aloud about my current situation. I can't say that I wouldn't stay home, or that work is my passion. What I can say though, is that all the tedious, monotonous moments of life, work related, or home related, can't compare to the car ride I took to work this morning.
