What Did You Do Today?

Absolutely nothing of any real interest happened in my life today.  Nor did anything of any real significance happen yesterday.  With the odd exception of days here or there that hold a little excitement or deviance from the norm, absolutely none of my days jump from the pages of my life.  Well, at least at first glance they don’t.

Oh, I mean, yeah, sure, I got married.  That one was a biggie.  I had my first baby, and that one was a doozy, then two, then three, then…..snip!  That was a good day too!  But really, how am I supposed to find meaning in the humdrum and inertia of diaper changes and trips to preschool?

Sometimes I sit down in the middle of the day, when there’s a lull in whatever menial task I’m preforming, and ponder what I MIGHT have been.  I mean, I did alright in school, went to a top notch University, and then started my career as a high school English teacher at the tender age of twenty-two so I could change the world before I was forty.  Life has a funny way of working out though, and before I knew it, I was married (to the man of my dreams, forever then and now, I might add), had a mortgage and a baby.  From that moment on, everything I have done has been not for the good of me, but for the good of my family.  I’ve sacrificed sleep, and beauty and relationships and jobs and a good part of who I was, to nurture the lives I chose to bring into the world. 

It’s funny, because those words are so easy to say, and yet so difficult to do sometimes.

I don’t want to get up in the middle of the night because someone wet the bed. But I do it.

I don’t want to leave the house forty times a day schlepping this kid here, and that kid there while dragging a toddler. But I do it.

I don’t want to wash endless piles of laundry that miraculously reappear after only a day. But I do it.

Most of all, I don’t want to just throw on the most unflattering and unattractive outfit I own every morning just because anything else would be covered in sticky handprints or drool by the end of the day. But I do it.

I do it because these extremely uneventful moments in my life, are huge, momentous moments in the lives of my children.  When a child, for whatever reason, needs you at 4 am, your reaction to their need will shape how confident they are in your love for them, in your desire to provide for them.  How you show them love and patience, teaches them love and patience, and that is a big thing.

A child’s education, and your support of it, helps to mould their minds and to free them to think critically about the world around them.  The baby you drag everywhere on your hip, he’s learning to be flexible and adventurous, and that is worth talking about.

That laundry, well, laundry always sucks, but at least your kids aren’t smelly (well, they are all a little smelly)!

Last but not least, that outfit!  That outfit is your most powerful tool. That blasted outfit, you know the one, the dingy sweater over piling tights and your husband’s socks.  Yeah, that one…

That outfit allows you to get down on the floor and play.  It allows you to let your little ones come up and press their dirty cheeks to your thigh as you prepare their lunch.  That outfit makes you real, and touchable, and warm.  It smells of you, and is soft from wear.  Just like you, and that is unique.   

So, in the spirit of new found introspection, ask yourself, “what did you do today? Who have you become?” The answer to these questions doesn’t lie in your wardrobe, or your degree.  The answer to these questions lie in the hearts of those you’ve helped shape.

Ten Things My Children Did To Me

THIS is what my children do to me: 

1.  Hold Me Accountable
It is not only what I say, but what I do, that helps avoid my kids from dropping random F bombs at school or birthday parties.

2. They Mellow Me Out
The more kids I add to my mix, the less I flinch when one falls.  Dealing with a toddler, a panicking five year old and four year old that needs stitches and a trip to the emergency room all at once?  Call me, I've been there.

3. Preemptive Thinking
See a bathroom?  I'd better use that, just in case I have to sneeze later.

4.  Selflessness
Despite what someone told me the other day about how bringing kids into the world = selfishness, I really have to say that my children regularly teach me to give up the following things:
     a. Sleeping in
     b. My pre-baby body
     c. Bladder control (see preemptive thinking)
     d. My ability work, let alone work and keep all of my money to spend recklessly on myself.
     e. Fingerprint / dent free walls.
     f. Keeping a clean house longer than twenty seconds (literally, try to clean with a toddler)
     g. List making skills (someone just fell, hang on, I'll get this...


....Yeah, that list could go on forever.  Don't worry, it was a Minecraft related argument. No need to take the toddler, the "panicker" or the four year old to emergency room today!)

See, I'm the least selfish person in the world.  I'm not really sure what I've got left for me, really?  Wait, I've got 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10!

5. Travelling As a Couple 
Who wants to travel alone and enjoy five star resorts or restaurants, wake up at noon and visit the wineries of the Okanogan Valley?  Not me!  I'm going  to wake up at the crack of dawn, carry a diaper bag, go on train rides and to the play park at McDs!  Pfft, Snobs.

6.  Financial Planning
I've got so much money saved for my kids to go to school, I could theoretically be the first one to vacation to Mars.  But I'm not selfish like that.

7. Food
I've never had such a well stocked fridge before!  Granola bar, goldfish casserole anyone? Also, missing that pre-baby body?  Hubby likes the extra "smoosh" so eat those leftover McNuggets!

8. My Mini Van
I see you checking me out when I roll up in my smokin' VW mini van!  I can be the designated driver and drive seven of us to the Pottery Barn!

9. Cheese
Who doesn't like cheese?  Every meal I make is now smothered in some kind of cheese.  Kids LOVE cheese smothered stuff.

10. Love
What's not to love about being loved unconditionally by the people you love unconditionally?  Enough said.

Welcome To Alberta

I know, I know, it's been a LONG while since I last posted, but in all honesty, I've been quite busy in the past year or so...

As some of you may know, since my last blog post, I've had a new little baby boy (that makes THREE!) and moved to a completely new province.  My husband's company was transferred from Quebec to Alberta and so we made the leap and moved the whole family across the country to our new home out West.  Quelle difference!

We'll be the first to admit that we were mildly terrified to make the leap but living here has turned out to be the best decision we've ever made.  The people here are so friendly that we've made some of the greatest friends, our neighborhood is to die for and we couldn't imagine being anywhere else at this point in our lives. Having said that, there are still quite a few differences that need some getting used to.  Here are a few we've noticed so far:

1. Friendly: The people here are so friendly that I was actually uncomfortable for a few months after moving here.  I honestly didn't know people could be so genuinely concerned or happy for you without wanting something in return (or because they weren't belligerently drunk...).

2. Pace: People here just move slower.  You can't go anywhere if you're in a hurry because what would be a ten minute run to Walmart in Quebec turns into an hour long stroll in the express line here.

3. Beer: Damn, these people like to drink beer, and it's not cheap either.  A 24 of Corona is going to cost you, on average, close to $50! Also, it's not easy to get good wine here.

4. Cowboy hats and boots: No, it's not Halloween, these guys actually OWN this stuff and wear it to wait in the slow lines at Walmart!  Plus side, sexy cowboys/cowgirls EVERYWHERE.

5. Trucks: BIG. HONKIN'. TRUCKS. That they leave running when they go into the dep.  Gas is cheaper here, after all....

6.  Money: Everything here is either a little or a LOT more expensive, but it doesn't matter, because this is the Dubai of Canada.

7. Daycare: In Quebec, we have $7 dollar a day daycare, which is so regulated by the government that no one feels the need to send their kids to pre-school. Here, it would cost me $850 a child to send them to a home daycare provider, who would have no materials sent to them by the government.  It's all good though, because chances are, if you're part of a two parent household, you don't need daycare because you probably don't REALLY need to work.  Unless you want your annual two-week trip to Mexico or Disney, which, let's face it, we all want.

8.French: There are a lot of Quebecois here.  You just don't know because they were the ones who could speak English well enough to move out of Quebec and now make a mint working in the oil industry.  I see them though, and now we all basically wave at each other like bikers.

9. Food: There is some serious lack of ethnic food out here.  Even if they have it, it sucks.  I want some Cannoli or some good Jerk Chicken!!!

10. City: Calgary does not, and could never compare to Montreal.  I really think that growing up in such a diverse, electrifying place has shaped the person I am today.  I miss Montreal's little cafes, shops and restos and I think I always will.  BUT Calgary makes up for what it lacks in culture in good old fashioned manners.

Stay tuned for more Calgary updates.  I'm sure the universe has a lot planned for us!

xox

Untitled

I cry for children I don't know
I cry at dawn when the news breaks
that a little boy was disfigured
So that he may be forced to beg in India

I cry for children I don't know
in the dewy hours of the day
for ten, young Afghan girls
Who died collecting firewood

I cry for children I don't know
for Olivier and Anne-Sophie
who felt the fatal stab
of the man they called "papa"

I cry for children I don't know
who walk to school alone
Only to have their ears cut off
by a shadow waiting at the door

I cry for children I don't know
for the little white coffins
of twenty

Quote of the Day

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.

                                                               -John Lubbock

 

 

I was complaining this week, about silly, trivial things, and this wonderful, honest woman I work with told me I had "Hollywood Problems."  She's right.  The world can be a scary, sad, lonely place, and I have nothing to complain about.

 

Yesterday, I took my kids with me to donate some non-perishable food.  On the way home, my son asked me why I had given away our food.  I explained to him, as best as I could to a four year old, that there are some people out there who don't have enough money to buy as much food as we do.  Since we are so blessed, and have more than we need, we gave some of our food to them, so they wouldn't have empty bellies.  He smiled, and said he felt proud of having done that.  I was proud of his insight.

 

 

Look at your life and pick out the positive.  Don't dwell on the negative.  

 

Let's take the first step...

This may or may not surprise some of you, but I do pray.  Every night.  I never ask for anything selfish, but I do ask God for things I think he's forgotten to give us, and for a few, minor favours.  I ask that he bless my family, and that he make me a better mother.  That he grant me patience and understanding, and the energy to be the best mother I can possibly be. Most importantly though, I never ask him to bless my children without adding that he bless ALL the children of the world, because if anyone needs a good blessing, it's the 40 million children worldwide who suffer some sort of child abuse each year (WHO, 2001).

According to Statistics Canada a child dies every week at the hands of a caregiver.  Every week. It should go without saying that a good mother, father or guardian would never harm their child, but the reality of the situation is horrifying.  People who are not equipped to care for children are abusing, neglecting, and ultimately killing innocent children every day.  In fact, 70% of children who are the victims of homicide die before the age of five (statcan).  What could a child of five possibly do that would invite such a fate?  There is no answer to that question, for if there were, we could remedy this problem.

What's more, 90% of all abuse cases involving children are not reported (The Gallup organization).  Now, I'm not good at math, but I can guess that the statistics I just quoted would increase exponentially if we were to take all those phantom cases into account.  This is by far the most harrowing of information, because it means many, many more children are suffering.  Let us put this into perspective.  According Statistic Canada's Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile a total of 54, 660 children under the age of 18 are either sexually or physically abused in Canada.  And if this number weren't awful enough, this number only represents the number of police reported cases, not the total number of cases actually occurring.  (If you want to see the actual, sickening, detailed data you can click here).

So what?  Well, in the spirit the Occupy movement, I say we Occupy abuse, and run IT out of town.  Love your children the best you can, keep them close, and be involved in their lives.  Know them, their friends, and their friends parents, so as to always place them in the best situation you can.  Participate in movements that promote family planning and education both at home and in foreign countries.  Most of all, let them know YOU, so that they might trust in you if ever they should need it. 

(if anyone knows the author of this photo, let me know so I can give credit to them!)

Sunrise

This morning as I drove to work Hunter squealed with excitement and pointed out the beautiful colors in the sky.  We drove down the highway, Parker quietly listening, observing our conversation, and we talked about fog and why the sun rises in the morning.  We sang the alphabet and talked about what we were going to do that day, and when Hunter would get to join me at school.  It didn't take me long to realize, that that moment was what life was all about. 

After a long, drawn out absence I recently returned to work.  My once free, albeit a tad humdrum life, changed immediately.  In some ways, for the better, and of course, in other ways, for worse. 

First, let me clarify that I LOVE my kids and recognize the importance of a strong, stable parental presence in the home.  Perhaps it is true that my children would benefit more from me being in the home full time, but I cannot deny that the inertia of stay-at-home mom life is crippling at times.  By the end of my maternity leave, I felt that it had become difficult for me to continue to perform the same tasks over, and over, and over again every day.  I was reduced to a slouchy bump on the couch, denying the kids even short trips to the park in passive aggressive protest against my boredom.

When people I knew brought up the subject of me returning to work, it was always in a negative tone, as if I was diagnosed with some awful terminal disease, known as "working mom."

Let me now clarify that I also LOVE my job.  Follow me around for a day, and you'd see what I mean when I say that every day is different!  Every day is new!  Finally, my brain is stimulated with literature and art instead of stifled by the endless drone of cartoons and kiddy books. 

But, alas, this cerebral stimulation comes with a price.  I now start my day at 5 am, get myself and two kids up, brushed and fed and out the door by 6.  My breaks at work are completely taken over by planning as I can't do any at home, and the household duties haven't disappeared.

In the end, this blog entry is really me thinking aloud about my current situation.  I can't say that I wouldn't stay home, or that work is my passion.  What I can say though, is that all the tedious, monotonous moments of life, work related, or home related, can't compare to the car ride I took to work this morning.